I Said NO

It was your typical college party, involving alcohol and drugs.

We were introduced by mutual friends, and it was an instant attraction. I played coy that evening - so coy that when I left I embraced him and gave this “I'm interested” vibe, but not give him my number.

He followed up via Facebook - a friendship request then a message right away. I accepted and responded. After a couple of exchanges, he asked for more of a personal approach: my phone number. It was only a few short exchanges until out of boredom we arranged a meet up.

Because he lived on campus without a car - in a different county, I drove to meet him. He said he’ll have dinner prepared. I agreed without any hesitation, excitedly.

I arrived an hour later, envisioning this nice dinner table set up, and to my disappointment, nothing. Not even Chipotle. He said he got caught up in assignments, which is a shitty excuse and a red-flag. But we proceeded our hangout anyway, empty stomach. My intentions were to get to know him. 

We rolled up a blunt in honor of 4/20, got high, and sat there in each other's company. No laughs, no conversations, only the noise of the television. Suddenly, he went in for a kiss... I reciprocated the kiss, but then he became aggressive.

He physically threw himself at me. I push him off, but he proceeded. He went for my bottom half - unzipping my shorts while I kicked and screamed, “No! No!” But he proceeded to thrust himself on me.

I managed some strength despite my hazy judgement, pushed him off and said, “I can't fucking do this!” I gathered my belongings rapidly and stormed out of his apartment. He chased after me making sure I was okay.

Was I? No. obviously not. But I didn’t I shed a sign of weakness in his sight.

I got into my car and drove off without any sign of good riddance, forever. I remember calling a friend on the way home - crying about this mortifying experience and how foolish I felt.

Was I that naive to think this stranger would make me dinner and without any negative intentions? What did I expect? A fucking conversation and some food.

I wonder if I was so high or if I was consuming a different drug, would I have been raped? I always repeat this memory in my head - if there were any signs of the outcome or was it my fault that I somehow enabled the situation.

I know they say that a lot of victims in situations similar to this, they tend to blame themselves.

Is that right?


Written by Anonymous