It's Just a Number
I think we all have struggled with our weight - I have been so guilty of this. It has always been a constant issue growing up, and I think subconsciously that is what impacted my relationship with my body-image and spiraled this obsession with being “fit” in my teens and early twenties.
When you’re being teased as “fat Chary” or “fat tree” or shit like that at a young age, or had to wear training bras because you had so much baby fat around your boobs - it really messes up your judgements about yourself. When puberty hit - I kind of grew into my body, and when I actually was given compliments, I rejected them. It was hard for me to believe I was attractive, physically.
But that was the old, very insecure, younger me.
On Tuesday, September 12th, I tweeted:
5'4 at 153 lbs. stronger than I ever been though the number ain't cute. I'm cool with that (:
I have never felt more confident in my brown skin. It has taken a lot of time to be where I am today, physically and mentally, with myself.
A lot of downhills before the celebrated victories.
My obsession with how much I weigh subsided, and I became realistic about becoming a size zero. Like seriously, have you seen my thighs?
I hate that we are driven by these numbers that control our thoughts and how we view ourselves. Now I measure my body with how I feel, how my clothes fit, and with the occasional, “Tell me if I look like I’ve gain weight” note to my close friends and family who cut the bullshit. At the end of the day, I measure my weight how I feel about myself.
Sure, there are definitely body parts that I’d like to continuously work on, but I really like my pizza, beers, and fries. Although I don’t have a rigorous diet like I used to in college when I was obsessed with supplements and intense workouts, all I am concerned now is feeding my body with nutritional foods and making my body strong. The looking good part has always been a benefit of working out, but strength and flexibility are two things I’ve always wanted out of physical workouts. I want to be able to outrun someone dangerous or defend myself in case some crazy shit happens in New York.
Also, this is not me shaming people who workout to solely look good, or compete in competitions, or anything like that. I believe everyone has their own fitness / health and wellness journey. While I’d like to lose three pounds or be in the 130s like my prime days in college, I also love the lifestyle I live right now and not depriving myself of certain foods and social settings.
So what the hell am I saying? I am good right now, and I can’t wait to see how my body continues to evolve.
Written by Chary