Nearly two years have passed,
Not a sound has traveled from your mouth
To my ears.
A promise that you’d never leave again,
Shattered on a whim, with intention.
Some speculate that you may be
All of the locations blend together,
Just another pin on the map.
Physically you could be anywhere,
But in your mind you reside in a different realm,
Maybe even multiple.
A chameleon I would call you,
Molding to this & that like cookie dough.
Changing your colors,
Without asking questions,
Allowing others to modify your soul.
And here I am left with the guilt
Of not missing you enough.
The truth is, I only long for the sister
That drank cappuccinos with me,
Spoke in songs for the love of adventure
And who snuggled in bed watching Gilmore Girls
I haven’t seen her in ages.
So I guess out of sight, out of mind applies
Rather than absence makes the heart grow fonder.
Still, around this time of year,
As white lights glimmer in the streets
The air is crisp,
My memory momentarily strengthens
Remembering the last time we spoke
And the question I answered with “No.”
That holds the most pain of all
The haunting part? I think deeply, I knew
I was responding to my last chance.
Now my body aches,
My eyes fold heavy with water weight.
I am thankful for eyelids,
Which serve as a dam
For the floods trying to break through,
After losing you.
-Thinking of Family
Written by Heidi Hendrix